Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you