So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.