Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey