Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.