You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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