thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
