You're completely useless in the revolution.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
