the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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