I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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