Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
