how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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