i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
