I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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