Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
