i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
