9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
