He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
