These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
