How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
