The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
