Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
