Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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