I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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