glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
