I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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