Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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