I just made out with a guy for $7.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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