Need sex. Gaining weight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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