we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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