Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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