Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was born a porn star she said
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
