I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
