About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
