i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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