I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
