I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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