Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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