this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
