Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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