Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
