Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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