Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
