If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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