I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
