I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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