you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
