Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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