"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
