Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
