It's like God shit irony all over that family
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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