Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
