so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
