As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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