Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
