found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
