I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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