There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
