Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
