fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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