would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize