i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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