You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Randomize
