I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
