I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
