Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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