my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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