Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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