You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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