Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
