Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no you cant smoke seaweed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
