Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
