Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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