Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
