i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
