Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
