Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
