just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
