Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
