I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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