its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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