When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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