your parents love me but you hate me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
