You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You were trust falling into bushes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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