She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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