My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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